...rigidity, schematism or greed
English translation: Some issues I think.
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| 23:03 Mar 12, 2014 |
| English language (monolingual) [PRO] Art/Literary - Art, Arts & Crafts, Painting / Description of a contemporary artist's work | |||||||
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|  Selected response from: DLyons Ireland Local time: 10:39 | ||||||
Grading comment
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| SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED | ||||
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| 3 +1 | Some issues I think. |
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| Discussion entries: 8 | |
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Answers
5 hrs confidence: 
peer agreement (net): +1
peer agreement (net): +1Some issues I think. Explanation: "As I have mentioned" + "However, I must hasten to add" sound stilted to me. I imagine they are correct but literal translations - personally I'd change them. "chromatic precision is a defining feature" - is this "the defining feature"? If not, then "one defining feature"? "tendency" sounds like a literal translation - "chromatic precision" is hardly a tendency in English. "schematism" is rarely-used in English, so it needs to be precise when it is. It's not at all clear how it relates to "chromatic precision" - quite possibly it isn't clear in the original either. What is the author actually trying to imply by the word? Is there a better way of expressing whatever that is? Ditto for "greed" - what on earth does that mean? "to show off" - is that too informal for what seems to be a quite formal register? -------------------------------------------------- Note added at 9 hrs (2014-03-13 09:01:53 GMT) -------------------------------------------------- The background to all this may be readings of Kant's Critique of Pure Reason, Bacon's Sylva Sylvarum or even Augustine's Confessions concupiscentia oculis "lust of the eyes". In that context, "cupidity/avarice" might fit better than "greed". It certainly has the advantage of making it obvious that you have made a specific choice of the word (for whatever reason), rather than choosing the obvious translation (of "lăcomie"?). -------------------------------------------------- Note added at 10 hrs (2014-03-13 09:49:12 GMT) -------------------------------------------------- "excess" is very different. Here, I think you could make a case for using either "cupidity" or "avarice", but it's hard to be sure, I may be reading too much into the author's possible intellectual background. Certainly, the Germanic word "greed" calls attention to itself - using "Habgier" would be pretentious, but at least it would show a deliberate choice of word. |
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