Come to terms with

English translation: accept/resign

11:12 Jul 30, 2014
English language (monolingual) [PRO]
Science - Astronomy & Space
English term or phrase: Come to terms with
Hi,

I have some doubts concerning the use of "come to terms with" in the following sentence (it is from a Scientific American article, discussing the cosmic significance of the human being):

We must come to terms with our own significance in the universe. Are we uniquely special or merely mediocre?

I know that, usually, "come to terms with something" means "accept or resign oneself to something". However, in the quoted sentence I'd say the meaning is rather

We must reach an agreement about our own significance in the universe...

(indeed this would have been the meaning should the author have written "come to terms ABOUT our...") or

We must solve / deal with the issue of our significance in the universe...

What do you think? What is more likely the meaning of "come to terms with" in this sentence? And, is it a proper (or at least frequent) use of that expression?

Thanks a lot!
Javier Grande
Spain
Local time: 13:06
Selected answer:accept/resign
Explanation:
Seems to me it's the standard meaning. Man as one species on a planet of a rather insignificant sun, far from the centre of a perfectly ordinary galaxy among a myriad of others.

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Note added at 5 mins (2014-07-30 11:17:52 GMT)
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P.S. "come to terms ABOUT..." sounds strange to me :-)
Selected response from:

DLyons
Ireland
Local time: 12:06
Grading comment
Selected automatically based on peer agreement.
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED
4 +3accept/resign
DLyons
4 +2deal with
Wilsonn Perez Reyes
4understand
M.A.B.
4recognis(z)e/realize the fact that
Yvonne Gallagher
4settle the matter
Václav Pinkava
3rationalise
Rachel Fell
Summary of reference entries provided
Meaning (at least, in AmE)
Björn Vrooman

Discussion entries: 3





  

Answers


4 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +3
come to terms with
accept/resign


Explanation:
Seems to me it's the standard meaning. Man as one species on a planet of a rather insignificant sun, far from the centre of a perfectly ordinary galaxy among a myriad of others.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 mins (2014-07-30 11:17:52 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

P.S. "come to terms ABOUT..." sounds strange to me :-)

DLyons
Ireland
Local time: 12:06
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 8
Grading comment
Selected automatically based on peer agreement.
Notes to answerer
Asker: Thanks a lot for your answer, DLyons (and for the remark about "about ";-). I elaborate a bit more on my point of view through a discussion entry.


Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Parvathi Pappu
3 mins
  -> Thanks paru72.

agree  Piyush Ojha: Either conclusion would be momentous and we have to resign ourselves even to being 'uniquely special' (as missdutch has said), even if we are wholly good.
2 hrs
  -> Thanks Piyush.

agree  Yvonne Gallagher: absolutely. Perfectly standard meaning of common expression
3 hrs
  -> Thanks Gallagy.

neutral  Björn Vrooman: Won't disagree because you had posted your answer way before the asker gave additional information on the article. See reference entry, including a link to the article itself and a quote taken from it.
1 day 18 hrs
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41 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
come to terms with
understand


Explanation:
That's how I, hmm, understand that in this context.

M.A.B.
Poland
Local time: 13:06
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in PolishPolish
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52 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +2
come to terms with
deal with


Explanation:
Meaning: enfrentar (in Spanish).

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Note added at 53 mins (2014-07-30 12:05:49 GMT)
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Deal with = (to) face

We must FACE our own significance in the universe.

Wilsonn Perez Reyes
El Salvador
Local time: 06:06
Native speaker of: Native in SpanishSpanish

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Tina Vonhof (X): deal with the issue of...
2 hrs

agree  Trudy Peters
5 hrs
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3 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
come to terms with
recognis(z)e/realize the fact that


Explanation:
another option.

We must accept/resign ourselves or recognise the fact that we are merely part of a vast universe, not the cynosure of the galaxy. We must realise this fact and accept our own position in the universe...

There is nothing to "solve" or "deal with" here other than just getting on with the fact we are not (necessarily) that important in the overall scheme of things...

a drop in the ocean ...that's all

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Note added at 4 hrs (2014-07-30 15:28:01 GMT)
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By the way, I agree with Donal. The expression is

come to terms WITH

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Note added at 4 hrs (2014-07-30 15:45:42 GMT)
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Hi Javier yes "come to terms with sb about sth" is fine= agree on something after some discussion...find a way of living/working together

http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english-thesauru...
= learn to live with, come to accept, be reconciled to, reach acceptance of • She had come to terms with the fact that she would always be ill.

http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english...

"come to terms with ourselves" (not exactly legitimate" but understand you:-))=accept the fact/resign ourselves to the fact/come to recognise that or CONCEDE that that is the way things are...


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Note added at 4 hrs (2014-07-30 15:57:12 GMT)
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"We must come to terms with our own significance in the universe. Are we uniquely special or merely mediocre? "

coming back to the two sentences and the question that is asked...

Obviously people will answer that question is different ways. Some people may indeed see themselves as hugely significant while others will be at the other end of the spectrum as a mere mortal or sentient being...But again, each person has to come to terms with how they see themselves and accept this (significance or not in the cosmic scheme of things) for what it is...

Looks like an interesting text...?

Yvonne Gallagher
Ireland
Local time: 12:06
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
Notes to answerer
Asker: Thank you for your answer, Gallagy. Well, If I'm not mistaken, you can say "to come to terms with sb about sth" (e.g. http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/come+to+terms). I just thought the sentence perhaps could be interpreted as "we must come to terms (with ourselves) about our own significance", although probably this is not a legitimate usage :-)

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1 day 10 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
come to terms with
settle the matter


Explanation:
I feel that here the sense is about coming to terms with the question, and with each other's views on the question, in one. Therefore, we need to reach a consensus, after coming up with evidence and coming to a view of our role, per se.
The original wording is intentionally carefully chosen, precisely because of its duality.

Václav Pinkava
United Kingdom
Local time: 12:06
Native speaker of: Native in CzechCzech, Native in EnglishEnglish

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
neutral  Björn Vrooman: Best suggestion so far - also comes closest to the legal meaning. If you could explain the "duality" to me based on my reference entry (includes the link to the article), I would change to agree (because I don't see any duality involved - yet).
8 hrs
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1 day 12 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
come to terms with
rationalise


Explanation:
another suggestion, i.e. make sense of

Rachel Fell
United Kingdom
Local time: 12:06
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
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Reference comments


1 day 18 hrs
Reference: Meaning (at least, in AmE)

Reference information:
I think one needs to take a step back and decipher the meaning by not referring to his or her own expectations of what the text entails. Also, I am a bit hesitant about including dictionaries like Cambridge and Oxford when we talk about a text in AmE. I’d stick to M-W, possibly Macmillan, and other sources. And the first one (M-W) says

[plural terms]
a : mutual relationship : footing <on good terms>
b : agreement, concord <come to terms after extensive negotiations>
c : a state of acceptance or understanding <came to terms with the failure of his marriage>
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/term?show=0&t=1406...


There, we got it. No, not c but b. See also Random House Inc.:

come to terms
a. to reach an agreement; make an arrangement: to come to terms with a creditor.
b. to become resigned or accustomed: to come to terms with one's life.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/come to terms


Here, it’s a, not b. Maybe I need to elaborate a bit on it by using Macmillan's AmE entry:

A: come to terms (with someone)
to make an agreement, or to end an argument with someone – “They had to somehow come to terms.”

B: come to terms with something
to learn to accept and deal with an unpleasant situation or event, especially after being upset or angry about it for a long time – “She needed time to come to terms with her grief.”


In fact, it is A again. Not because of its legal use (see: http://www.bankruptcysask.ca/services.php?f_action=news_deta...
or http://lj.libraryjournal.com/2014/02/publishing/cengage-come... ), though. Actually, it may be exactly as the asker said: that meaning A was taken and “someone regarding” was removed. Long version: “We must come to terms with ourselves regarding our own significance in the universe.” You think “ourselves” is not used in that way? See:

“Age is the moment we come to terms with ourselves. We begin to look inside ourselves. We begin to find more strength in the spirit than in the flesh.”
http://www.creationsmagazine.com/articles/C122/Chittister.ht...

“We need to come to terms with ourselves in relation to our environment. As global warming increases and makes its presence known (from severe winters, summer droughts, huge rainstorms and many more examples), we must face the fact that we humans are not separate or disconnected or “virtual” from the environment but are actually a thriving, dependent, contributing part of it.”
http://sailor.mnsun.com/2014/04/16/column-keep-your-butts-of...

“This book delves into how we come to terms with ourselves, with other people, and with the world in general. It is about how we come to be what we are, and to think the way we do. It is a book about influences on this process.”
http://www.coffeetreebooks.com/ebook/9781135596064


To make things clear, I am going to show you for which words the American Heritage Dictionary uses the expression “to come to terms”:

Agree: To come to an understanding or to terms: “We agreed on the price.”
Compound: To come to terms; agree.
Haggle: To argue in an attempt to come to terms.
Negotiate: To confer with another or others in order to come to terms or reach an agreement
https://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/


Thus, everything in relation to finding an agreement. Then, combine it with the original meaning from the Online Etymology Dictionary:

early 13c., terme "limit in time, set or appointed period," from O.Fr. terme "limit of time or place" (11c.), from L. terminus "end, boundary line," related to termen "boundary, end" (see terminus). Sense of "period of time during which something happens" first recorded
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/come to terms

Meaning: You come to the boundary lines. This is it: "This is the end, my friend". And see the following examples:

“These years saw Americans struggling to come to terms with the size, wealth, political needs, and new labor relations of their changing nation.”
http://www.shmoop.com/gilded-age/summary.html

“The reason why I am painting women now is in order to come to terms with depictions of gender and the way it is featured art historically--a means to broaden the conversation.”
http://www.kehindewiley.com/faq.html

“Get Over It: Things You Need to Come to Terms With Before You Study Abroad”
http://www.gooverseas.com/blog/things-you-need-to-come-to-te...

“In such an exploration we begin to come to terms with what our age of reason and individualism has excluded from consciousness.”
http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/06/the-vatican-ritalin-and-...


Granted, it involves an element of struggle – which is why I believe "accept" / "understand" is not quite the same (you can accept sth without struggle; you can understand sth without agreeing to it; etc. [note: sth -> something]). But none of the links given above have something to do with resignation either. That would actually be very unfortunate for all those people.

If the author really wanted to say “accept” / “resign”, he could have simply rephrased: “Why we need to come to terms with our own insignificance in the universe.” However, he didn’t – for a good reason. It was not his intention to explain why we are insignificant but why we should agree on our place in the universe [I chose "should" because in science, everything's tentative].

PS: Supported by the author of the article: “I would argue that the facts are pushing us toward a new scientific idea about our place in the cosmos, a departure from both [emphasis added] the Copernican and anthropic principles, and I think it is well along the road to becoming a principle in its own right.”
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-earth-s-life-un...

PS2: What do you think M-W uses for “agree on”? Exactly: to come to terms <agree on a fair division of profits>
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/agree?show=0&t=140...

Björn Vrooman
Native speaker of: Native in GermanGerman
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