is the sentence correct?

English translation: The heavyweights, the protons and neutrons in the nucleus manage to make up more than 99.9 percent of an atom’s mass while ...

GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
English term or phrase:[In the nucleus are the heavyweights, the protons and neutrons], which manage to make up more than 99.9 percent of an atom’s mas
Selected answer:The heavyweights, the protons and neutrons in the nucleus manage to make up more than 99.9 percent of an atom’s mass while ...
Entered by: Michael Powers (PhD)

12:14 Jul 13, 2011
English language (monolingual) [PRO]
Science - Physics
English term or phrase: is the sentence correct?
Specifically the bracketed part, more specifically - the position of "are" here.
[In the nucleus are the heavyweights, the protons and neutrons], which manage to make up more than 99.9 percent of an atom’s mass while occupying only a trillionth of its volume.

Thank you in advance!
Michael Kislov
Russian Federation
Local time: 23:45
Grammatically correct, except redundant "the" and awkward syntatically
Explanation:
Grammatically it is correct; however, it is more common to start with the subject. In this case, that would be the following: The heavyweights, protons and neutrons in the nucleus manage to make up more than 99.9 percent of an atom’s mass while occupying only a trillionth of its volume.

Mike
Selected response from:

Michael Powers (PhD)
United States
Local time: 16:45
Grading comment
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED
4 +6Yes, it is correct
Martin Riordan
4 +4Grammatically correct, except redundant "the" and awkward syntatically
Michael Powers (PhD)


Discussion entries: 2





  

Answers


6 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +4
Grammatically correct, except redundant "the" and awkward syntatically


Explanation:
Grammatically it is correct; however, it is more common to start with the subject. In this case, that would be the following: The heavyweights, protons and neutrons in the nucleus manage to make up more than 99.9 percent of an atom’s mass while occupying only a trillionth of its volume.

Mike


Michael Powers (PhD)
United States
Local time: 16:45
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 4

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Tony M
10 mins
  -> Thank you, Tony - Mike

agree  Thayenga: Elegant editing. :)
11 mins
  -> Thank you, Thayenga - Mike

neutral  Cilian O'Tuama: but the protons and neutrons ARE the heavyweights, so the source text is actually more accurate than your edited version
18 mins
  -> Thank you for educating me on that, Cilian. That being the case, the second "the" is not redundant and should be repeated as in the original; however, we can still begin the sentence with the subject to make its flow more natural in English.

agree  Lara Barnett: "Heavyweights, protons etc are in the..."
2 hrs
  -> Thank you, Lara - Mike

agree  David Hal
21 hrs
  -> Thank you, Rafael - Mike
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2 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +6
Yes, it is correct


Explanation:
It seems fine.

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Note added at 2 hrs (2011-07-13 15:13:02 GMT)
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Gramatically correct, but I agree that "...manage to make up..." is a slightly awkward expression. I would suggest "...together make up...". It would sound more natural.

Martin Riordan
Brazil
Local time: 17:45
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Cilian O'Tuama
22 mins
  -> Thanks, Cilian!

agree  Noni Gilbert Riley
1 hr
  -> Thanks, Noni!

agree  airmailrpl: It seems fine.
1 hr
  -> Thanks, airmailrpl!

agree  Simon Mac
3 hrs
  -> Thank you, yx37029!

agree  Sheila Wilson: It could be improved but it was OK
3 hrs
  -> Thanks, Sheila! That´s what I thought too...

agree  Thuy-PTT (X)
18 hrs
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