Glossary entry (derived from question below)
русский term or phrase:
Так незаметно в тишине
английский translation:
Unnoticed in the silent gloom
Added to glossary by
Oxana Salazar (X)
Nov 15, 2009 00:32
14 yrs ago
русский term
Oxana Salazar (X)
Так незаметно в тишине
русский => английский
Искусство/Литература
Литература и поэзия
Poem
...Конец приблизился уже
Так незаметно в тишине...
A short poem in the beginning of a chapter.
Thank you
Так незаметно в тишине...
A short poem in the beginning of a chapter.
Thank you
Proposed translations
(английский)
Change log
Nov 15, 2009 00:33: Ali Bayraktar changed "Language pair" from "английский => русский" to "русский => английский"
Proposed translations
+8
8 час
Jack Doughty
Великобритания
Великобритания
Native in английский
Specializes in field
Великобритания
Translator since 1953
Native in: английский
Works in: русский => английский, немецкий => английский, английский
Related KudoZ points
:
658
Selected
Attempt at all four lines
Not completely literal but I hope it gets the feel of the original:
The end at last quite close did loom,
Unnoticed in the silent gloom,
Condemning those unhappy souls,
To find in gruesome death their doom.
The end at last quite close did loom,
Unnoticed in the silent gloom,
Condemning those unhappy souls,
To find in gruesome death their doom.
Note from asker:
| Спасибо большое! |
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
andress
38 мин
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Thank you.
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| agree |
Larissa Dinsley
: beautiful :)
1 час
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Thank you.
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| agree |
Jim Tucker (X)
: don't hide your light under a bushel, Jack!
4 час
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Thanks, Jim.
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| agree |
Rinnel
: very good !
5 час
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Thank you!
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| agree |
RusAnna
: Bravo! :)
5 час
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Thank you!
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| agree |
Andrey Belousov (X)
: You've gotta charge the Asker for this piece'o ..... work./Мусчина!!!
9 час
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Thank you. No, this one is with the compliments of the house. I did several song lyrics on a paid basis last year though.
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| agree |
Angela Greenfield
13 час
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Thank you.
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| agree |
Tatyana Leshkevich
: Very nice!
23 час
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Thank you.
|
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
Comment: "Спасибо большое! Очень красивый перевод"
1 час
Emil Tubinshlak
Канада
Канада
Native in английский
Specializes in field
Канада
Excellence in all areas
Native in: английский 
Works in: русский => английский, иврит => английский
Related KudoZ points
:
38
The grisly end was coming close - On soft and silent tippytoes
Might work
Note from asker:
| Спасибо |
Peer comment(s):
| neutral |
Andrey Belousov (X)
: With questions like this one, I'd never be THAT sure (5) You don't leave space for other ideas by assessing your surety at 5, which is quite questionable. Though, I do appreciate the effort... the first, at least, deserves respect for having stepped out.
40 мин
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Sorry, you are right
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| neutral |
Susan Welsh
: "Tippytoes" is a word used with/by children. It seems incongruous.
1 час
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True, I just thought the incongruity might make it sound more ominous
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| neutral |
Jim Tucker (X)
: Bathos; if it's grisly, it's probably not on tippytoes. This would be great if the bathos were in the original. // lol
6 час
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I know, I know
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2 час
unconscionably silent
... so ya can play around
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 hrs (2009-11-15 03:15:14 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
I beg your pardon.... Should read: inconspicuously silent - resolving "в тишине"
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Note added at 2 hrs (2009-11-15 03:15:14 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
I beg your pardon.... Should read: inconspicuously silent - resolving "в тишине"
10 час
so unseen in the sly
just one more variant
Note from asker:
| Спасибо |
Discussion
The end has sneaked up
Unnoticed in the silence
And doomed the wretched souls
To an atrocious death in the darkness
Размер и рифму сами как-нибудь... :-)))
Конец приблизился уже
Так незаметно в тишине
Людей несчастных обрекая
На смерть ужасную во тьме
Меня интересует только вторая строка