translating a poem stanza
스레드 게시자: Froy Batsielilit (X)
Froy Batsielilit (X)
Froy Batsielilit (X)
미국
Local time: 18:19
스페인어에서 영어
+ ...
Nov 2, 2013

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all well. I need your help. I am attempting to translate a Spanish poem written into English, but am having difficulties with one of the metaphors.


Here it goes:

Afuera
el prisma descompone la luz,
y en el violeta,
se prenden unas células.
Luego, otras,
se embarran al magenta
y otras,
absorben las tinieblas.

I attempted as:

Outside
the prism
... See more
Hello everyone,

I hope you are all well. I need your help. I am attempting to translate a Spanish poem written into English, but am having difficulties with one of the metaphors.


Here it goes:

Afuera
el prisma descompone la luz,
y en el violeta,
se prenden unas células.
Luego, otras,
se embarran al magenta
y otras,
absorben las tinieblas.

I attempted as:

Outside
the prism refracts light,
in the violet,
cells attach,
others, later,
plaster into magenta
still others,
absorb darkness

but feel like I am writing it awkwardly. Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Collapse


 
LilianNekipelov
LilianNekipelov  Identity Verified
미국
Local time: 18:19
러시아어에서 영어
+ ...
Hi. I would change it slightly, but the translation is quite good. Nov 2, 2013

2nd line -- "a prism" might be better than "the" "the light"
3rd -- "into the violet"instead of 'in" ( or "in violet"-- I am not sure. The light is violet when reflected, perhaps)
4th -- "cells keep combining" perhaps
5th --"later, more (of them)"
6th -- "merge(plaster) into the magenta"
7th -- Ok
8th -- "absorb the darkness "or "feed on the darkness".

I liked it overall. These are just my suggestions.



[Edited at 2013-
... See more
2nd line -- "a prism" might be better than "the" "the light"
3rd -- "into the violet"instead of 'in" ( or "in violet"-- I am not sure. The light is violet when reflected, perhaps)
4th -- "cells keep combining" perhaps
5th --"later, more (of them)"
6th -- "merge(plaster) into the magenta"
7th -- Ok
8th -- "absorb the darkness "or "feed on the darkness".

I liked it overall. These are just my suggestions.



[Edited at 2013-11-02 20:29 GMT]
Collapse


 
philgoddard
philgoddard
미국
독일어에서 영어
+ ...
. Nov 2, 2013

I don't understand what the "células" are.

 
Froy Batsielilit (X)
Froy Batsielilit (X)
미국
Local time: 18:19
스페인어에서 영어
+ ...
주제 스타터
. Nov 3, 2013

Hello LilianBNekipelo,

Thank you very much for your suggestions. I will incorporate what you have suggested.


Hello philoddard,

"células" in spanish mean cells.

I realized I might not have been clear in my initial post, the poem is written in Spanish and I am attempting to translate it into English.

Hello silviacasilli,

Thank you for your response. I would love to talk to you regarding the poem since you have
... See more
Hello LilianBNekipelo,

Thank you very much for your suggestions. I will incorporate what you have suggested.


Hello philoddard,

"células" in spanish mean cells.

I realized I might not have been clear in my initial post, the poem is written in Spanish and I am attempting to translate it into English.

Hello silviacasilli,

Thank you for your response. I would love to talk to you regarding the poem since you have read it.

Hello DRHASIB13,

Thank you for your response. I understand how hard translating is, lol, and I wish I could use a lot of my imagination with this. But since I am attempting a literal translation, I cannot take to much liberty with the text.

[Edited at 2013-11-04 02:27 GMT]
Collapse


 
silviacasilli
silviacasilli  Identity Verified
이탈리아
Local time: 00:19
이탈리아어에서 영어
+ ...
cells as basic elements of the human being Nov 3, 2013

I read the original text by Aguilar de la Torre 'Dolor por la Muerte de un Negro'. I think the general context is important in order to give a poetical translation to these verses.
The preceeding stanza speaks about the difference of self percption between the inside and the outside: the poet's skin is white, but inside colour does not exist.
Now he speaks about the effect of the prism. The term reflection is certainly correct from the scientific point of view, but the idea I get fro
... See more
I read the original text by Aguilar de la Torre 'Dolor por la Muerte de un Negro'. I think the general context is important in order to give a poetical translation to these verses.
The preceeding stanza speaks about the difference of self percption between the inside and the outside: the poet's skin is white, but inside colour does not exist.
Now he speaks about the effect of the prism. The term reflection is certainly correct from the scientific point of view, but the idea I get from the verses I read is that of a sort of breaking up the unity of white light/white skin into different coloured flows of light that capture some cells of the body revealing the mixed nature of the human being till the discovering of the 'malediciòn de la cèlulas negras' that we find later on.
Therefore I would suggest to try to maintain the idea of decomposing, of breaking up which is percievable in Spanish but gets lost in translating 'refraction' in English.

Accept my contribution to your reflection in translating even if I am not a native Spanish speaker nor an English one. I am an Italian native speaker who can read Spanish, loves poetry, speaks and writes into English.
Kind regards
Collapse


 
DRHASIB13
DRHASIB13
인도
Local time: 03:49
영어에서 힌디어
+ ...
translating a poem is more difficult than translating a prose Nov 4, 2013

Dear Sir/Madam,
Full Translation is itself a tough task and to translate a poem even is tougher. My suggestion is to use imagination in translating a poem.


 


To report site rules violations or get help, contact a site moderator:

이 포럼의 관리자
Jared Tabor[Call to this topic]

You can also contact site staff by submitting a support request »

translating a poem stanza







TM-Town
Manage your TMs and Terms ... and boost your translation business

Are you ready for something fresh in the industry? TM-Town is a unique new site for you -- the freelance translator -- to store, manage and share translation memories (TMs) and glossaries...and potentially meet new clients on the basis of your prior work.

More info »
Anycount & Translation Office 3000
Translation Office 3000

Translation Office 3000 is an advanced accounting tool for freelance translators and small agencies. TO3000 easily and seamlessly integrates with the business life of professional freelance translators.

More info »